Welcome friends and enemies…

As many of you know, I used to write back in the day when all of my time wasn’t consumed with fattening the pockets of ”The Man.”

(Is this guy my boss? No, but then again somehow he probably is).

Anyways, I am starting a blog (well, obviously). I don’t work as hard as I used to at my real job because I’m jaded and I’m mad gully ( a great combination), so I have more time to think and make fun of people. All of you have heard at least one of my stories, and most of you have folded over in laughter with some of the random things that happen to me on a daily basis…..like that time I had to elbow-punch out this bamma that was following me to the Metro. Or what about the time the chick picked up her steak at dinner on our first date and gnawed on that bitch like the king of the fucking jungle? Her silverware was clean as the Board of Health (It was our first and last date, but the sex was impeccable!)

 My closest friends (you know who you are) have cried (or pretended to cry) with me through alot of my pain, and alot of you guys respect my opinions on life (God knows why). Maybe because you are as crazy as I am, or maybe because you have nothing better to do. Just kidding…..I think. Anyway, I love y’all more than you know. 

The blog will consist of random musings on (race issues, religion, politics, sex, love, hate, cars, best places to eat, music, people with Bluetooth devices, the origin of stereotypes aka facts, ingenious youtube clips, Dallas Cowboys fans, Uggs, the next Olympic sport of people-watching and other tomfoolery), some of my classic stories (random sexual encounters, relationship crap, working for “The Man,” family stuff etc.), book reviews (I do be reading), album reviews, a little poetry (cuz I’m deep like that), tales from my Metro ride to and from work (the ride into the office is much more interesting for some reason), tales from my barbershop and run-on sentences. I’m really doing this for me to document the insanity that is my life, but it would be nice if you all would take a look at it also…and leave comments to make me feel cool. I will be writing a book one day on God knows what, so maybe this will be a good start. And I encourage my friends that know how to read and write to start a blog also.

I am having one problem though: I can’t figure out a name for my blog. Good start huh? I would like for you all (at your earliest convenience of course) to shoot me an e-mail with your thoughts on what the name should be. The winner gets dinner on me at Georgia Brown’s because I know how most you all loooooove fried chicken and collard greens (sorry, but it is true). If you don’t like collard greens, I will make a special request for parsnips cuz I’m considerate like that. (I personally think that collard greens are disgusting, but if you don’t like fried chicken  then you are a waste of time…so don’t bother; that is if you aren’t a vegetarian or vegan on some shit like that). I will buy drinks too…..but you will have to pay for your own. Sike. Think long and hard. There is fried chicken and a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 (Orange Cream flavor) in it for you. Times a wastin’. Oh yeah, and if you don’t live in the DC area, then you are SOL until you bring your happy ass down to the home of Mambo Sauce. Or, if you fly me to your town and let me camp out at your crib, then I will be glad to buy you some chicken and/or parsnips and maybe even a cold 4-0 of Steel Reserve.

 If you think that one of my stories is about you, it’s not. Don’t flatter yourself. I probably made the whole thing up anyway. And if you are in the story, you name will not be used….EVER. I’ll even change names and locations to protect your perfect and untarnished name cuz I’m nice like that. Plus, only like three people will probably read my blog anyway, so chill aiight.

-Contradiction