Random Thought #1 – Women and Shit

Disclaimer: This post is not about me. It is about a “buddy” of mine. I have plenty of room in my closets…so much room, that I can probably have a breakdancing competition in any one of my closets (real talk, as the young kids say). And if you believe this disclaimer, then you are crazy.

I have about 10 random thoughts every minute, but only a few of them are worthy of being posted on this blog. As much as I claim to know everything, I am guilty of being stumped every now and then (believe it or not).

This is a question for the ladies out there. What is it in your genetic makeup that makes you unhappy until you fill up every single inch of your/our home with shit things? Is it to piss us off? How many grocery bags do you need to hold on to? How many Victoria’s Secret, Macy’s and Linens N’ Things bags do you need? Do the bags become valuable after your favorite stores change their logos? Do you keep all of your old ass clothes to remind you of when you booty was smaller (cuz it sure isn’t fitting in those jeans ever again)? Or maybe the clothes remind you of when you were in a better relationship then your current one? I’m not even going to get into the shoes and handbags!!! What kinda fuckery is this?!

What makes it OK to go to Target the day after Christmas to stock up on marked-down Christmas ornaments when:

1. You didn’t use half of the ornaments you bought on December 26 of last year?
2. You had an extremely hard time getting your coat out of the closet to go to Target because the closet was filled with shit that no one needs?

I can remember visiting a family member in NC (sorry cuz) a little while ago, and she had little knick-knacks and statues EVERYWHERE!! I knocked over two miniature statues on my way to use her bathroom, and she got pissed. I literally had to tip-toe throughout her house in fear of my footsteps causing things to fall over. And she’s a big girl, so I don’t know how in the hell she doesn’t break something daily.

Lastly, why make a trip to Costco for meat when you were hardly able to close the freezer when you left the house? Why does a household of two need 15 jars of spaghetti sauce? Holy shit!

And ladies, don’t get mad when your man comes home late from work for no apparent reason. Please don’t get mad if he would rather chill with his boys then come home to you. Yeah, I know you IM’ed him all day about all of the nasty and sick shit you would do to him when he got home. But, don’t get mad. He is probably tired of looking at all of your shit nice things. Or maybe he just feels like your shit is suffocating him? I’ve never suffocated before, but I’m sure asphyxiation is not the way to go out. How can you blame him for wanting space? After all, you probably ignore all of the crap that you have that serves no purpose just to ask him about some old socks of his? “Why do you keep these old socks anyway, baby? Why don’t you just get rid of them?” WTF is that about?

So ladies, tell me what this is all about…please. Maybe your plan is to open up a thrift store. No? OK, then maybe (just like with 95% of the stuff you do) it’s just game. I’ll have to admit, y’all are the smarter species and most of you all have game. Maybe you suffocate us with the intent on us coming home late so that you can have your time to do whatever (i.e. talk trash about us to your girlfriends, or get down with you thug ass ex-boyfriend who could care less about your borderline “hoardish” ways). Or maybe this is just my “buddy’s” situation. Discuss…